What should you know before you teach your puppy a new trick?
You should know more than your puppy!
What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than it’s bite.
Why is it called a “litter” of puppies ?
Because they mess up the whole house!
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
The Neighbour’s Barking Dog
2 neighbours (the Smiths & the Jones) haven’t been getting along. You see, Mr. Smith leaves his dog outside all day and the dog never stops barking.
Finally, after not being able to hear himself think, Mr. Jones tells his wife: “I’VE HAD IT!” and he stomps outside.
Upon returning Mrs. Jones says: “I can still hear the dog barking. What have you been doing?” to which her husband replies:
“I put their dog in our back yard. Let’s see how they like it!”
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
3. The litter box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a ”face towel.”
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “hello.”
8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house—not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Jokes sourced from allover the internet.
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